I've always been pulled to the outdoors I guess. I could go on and on and on about my childhood and camping and nature. Even though I lived smack dab in the middle of tourist suburbia, My childhood was still full of nature. Some of my happiest memories are from being in nature.
And I gotta say, dorm life is getting to me.
Big time.
In the last few days, I've really been feeling a tugging on my heartstrings, my friends and I have talked frequently about road trips, camping, and hiking. Today I felt it very strongly, and planned a weekend camping trip to Joshua Tree. But that hasn't helped it at all. I still feel more than ever the need to be in nature, to have silence, to hear the gravel under my feet.
I was really excited about my camping trip today, but now I'm kin of... not. It dims in comparison to what I really want, which is mountains. And forests. And streams and clearings and the lush life that makes me believe in faeries a little bit.
I crave the open road, and great, majestic rock that tells stories in its layer and holds memories from times ancient. I want to feel the energy of a mountain.
Tonight I found Rachael Caringella's blog again, after many years. Her blog was the firs blog I ever found. How, I don't know, but I, god I don't even know ho to write this. I followed her blog closely throughout my freshman year of high school, but, with many things, lost the plot during sophomore year. To clarify, I fond her blog again a few months ago, but I guess I wasn't in the right place, because I thought, 'God, she looks older" and left.
Tonight, I made the Productivity post, published the progress one that had been languishing in drafts, and then looked around on my blogger dashboard. I saw the most recent posts from her blog here, which led me to her new website. I know something is right about now, because when I saw her pictures, she looks older, yes. It's been five years and neither of us look the same. But she looks wiser, too. More mature.
So I started looking through her blog, I highly recommend it, and reading her posts. She's moved up to a cabin in the mountains an as I read back in time, I got to her posts from moving in. And she talked about a tug from the mountain, which I feel, and always have (even growing up far from any proper mountains).
At this point I was feeling the tight tugging in my chest, but then I read about her loving the quiet of the mountain versus the constant noise of the city, and I broke a little bit. I've grown so used tot he constant noise and hubbub of the dorms, but I hate it. I really do. The refrigerator is constantly whirring, the thermostat turns on at odd hours, there's constantly cars outside, I can hear groups of people talking on the street on their way to of from parties, I can hear every time someone flushes a toilet in the girls bathroom, I can hear every step my upstairs neighbors make, I can hear every time my neighbors beside me decide to practice guitar, I can hear when anyone plays music, it's just constantly loud here.
It's been so long since I've heard my favorite sound.
Silence.
But not only silence, but the crunching of gravel beneath my feet, the wind traveling over vast open spaces, the movement of small creatures underfoot. The far away sound of one lonely car.
Sound factors in so much to my fond memories of camping, so when i read about the silence of the mountain, I kin of lost it. I've cried a little bi, but it's been a good cry, and I know going forward, I need to be out in nature more. y campus offer very little in the way of natural spaces (none, really), and its hard to get out of the urban sprawl, but I'm determined. Tomorrow morning my friend and I are going for a short hike near here, and it's not very nature-y, but it's a start. That, coupled with my upcoming camping trip, will hopefully start to ease my heart.
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